Send yourself.
THE BIG IDEA
According to the Torah Omens this is the ideal time to explore the effect of doubt on your life.
How do you face challenges that feel too overwhelming to overcome?
Take special notice of the places, people, and situations that trigger your personal doubts, and they way you respond to them.
FOR EXAMPLE:
When you get scared - do you try to stop life’s inevitable forward progress, turn back, or die on the spot? (like the Israelites that heard the report of Giants and enemies waiting for them in the ‘promised’ land). Or, are you more like Caleb and Joshua, who see through the trusting eyes of faith despite whatever obstacles appeared?
What about when you are met with doubt, no matter what you do? ( like a God that liberated a nation from physical enslavement, parted a sea, fed them in the desert ) Do you will to destroy the relationship in which you are doubted? Do you turn the doubt inwards on yourself? Or, do you allow a trusted outside perspective to offer a context in which the doubt can be processed? (like God who listened to Moses’ words.)
This week’s energy invites us to confront our personal doubts and invite the 13 attributes that define the Source Energy of the Universe (compassion, forgiveness, charity, justice etc.) into our own individual lives.
Try using the core characteristics of goodness to strengthen your own and remind the Creator of The Universe to, please, live up to these 13 attributes and remain generous, fair, just, forgiving, kind and understanding for all.
DEEPER DIVE
This week’s narrative called SHELACH meaning send famously represents the final fate for the generation of slaves freed from Egypt through open miracles. This is the moment in the narrative they utterly fail to complete the vision. Their lack of trust in Source Energy’s ability to deliver them to the promised land seals their fate. The doubters will not enter the land.
Please enjoy this summary of the narrative.
Over the centuries the Hebrew God has faced a lot of criticism of being angry and vengeful. But perhaps, like the spies that went into the land, we are meant to see this “God” as Caleb and Joshua saw Caanan, through eyes of trust and not from eyes of overwhelm and fear.
Imagine, heretical as it might sound, the story of the spies from the perspective of the unifying source of all creation. The Source Energy reveals himself in order to save the great great great grandchildren of the 3 men with whom he made a pact of eternal endurance. In order to fulfill that pact the unnamable essence has to reveals itself not only to this clan, but to the entire world.
Like a gardner professing her love for a single group of flowers and the whole garden knows it.
As in any relationship, declaring unequivocal commitment is a source of tremendous vulnerability — even more so for the Source Energy of the Universe that created everything (and therefore must, by definition, care about it all).
So, after all that, to be continually doubted by his ‘chosen’ nation, is understandably infuriating. ( at least at the level of a character of ’god’ that appears in the written torah narrative that helps us relate to the divine source/essence of the universe). The lack of faith of the people for which he revealed himself is unacceptable. Their continual idealization of material reality and Egyptian consciousness, as an actual option to which they can return — even with direct contact with light and revealed miracles - is, at the very least, a humbling lesson to all of us struggling with faith.
It also makes them a bad choice for a partner.
If there is one thing we learn from this week’s divine rage and will / willingness to destroy the recipients of revelation - is that - unlike our human relationships the nature of source consciousness is beyond sentimental attachment. The anger might be from a place of hurt, or simply a clear assessment, however, this is not an irrational outburst.
They can’t do it. Time to start over.
Except for Moses.
Moses, who now also sees the nation for their limitations, has also come to a place beyond sentimental attachment. He speaks now, primarily protective of the divine essence’s enduring reputation, and less in support of this particular people. He tenderly reminds the holy essence that his appearance is not without consequence, once revealed - the truth of the universe is now vulnerable to judgement and (mis)interpretation. God as forgiving, loving, just, kind, and generous must act by this binding attributes.
A nice clue for those wanting to go one step deeper into a prayer meditation.
Notice that God responds to this logical appeal by answering,
However, forgiveness does not mean it’s all good. The generation of slaves that refuse to believe will not be delivered. They have their request fulfilled (to die in the desert) only their children will make it to the stage of deliverance. Reminding us all, even in our moments of greatest despair, to watch our words - and be careful what we ask for. hint try not to say ‘kill me now.’
A few more energetic elements that deserve time this week for personal contemplation:
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Immediately after the fate of the people is sealed ( they wander for 40 years and that generation will die) There are two types of offerings mentioned. One is a voluntarily offering to God and the second is an offering to repair unconscious spiritual violations. The process of offering is described as is the law that any foreigner amongst you must follow this method. Only one set of rules and one Torah will apply to anyone amongst you.
Try to imagine that world. Offerings for unconscious misdeeds, and a unified spiritual practice - even for those that are not of the same spiritual beliefs.
What would that look like?
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It is also important to remember that any intentional spiritual violation is punishable by death (for the major violations like Sabbath). This week shows an example of a man that collects wood on the Sabbath that is sentenced to death by Stoning. (God sentences him, the same people that were ready to stone Joshua and Caleb now get a chance to throw their stones and stone him).
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Lastly there is the commandment of having symbolic resonance on clothing - tzizit. The threads that are on men’s undergarments that remind them that we are all tied to God constantly. Also something to think about.
INNER WORK GUIDE
Imagine the entire story as embodied by different parts of your self.
Find the Part of you that doesn’t believe you can overcome adversity.
The part that would rather die then face what feels like certain death.
Find the part of you that is sorry about things afterwards - and will try anything to fix the relationship even when it’s too late.
Find the part that retains faith against all logic. Celebrate that part.
Find the part of yourself that gets mad at yourself
Find the part of yourself that gets angry at others.
Find the part of yourself that calms yourself down and helps you see the bigger picture.
Find the part of yourself that deserves to be punished, the parts that is not fixable that should be stoned or killed off.
Try feeling your way through the story as if it is your own life.
Send yourself out to explore your internal lands. I bless us all to come back with a positive assessment.
Love, peace, kindness, generosity, charity, and boundless faith to us all.
Shabbat Shalom